1st Quarter Crapulence

The NBA season is roughly a quarter over with and several sites, including Ball Don’t Lie and The Point Forward, have commented on the likely leaders for several awards such as MVP and Defensive Player of the Year. These awards celebrate some of the best performances and achievements from around the league.

In a bout of malaise and general curmudgeonliness I have decided to hand out awards for some of the worst and most discouraging achievements from the season so far.

The Shawn Bradley Award – This award goes to the player 6’10” or taller who has had the highest percentage of his shot attempts blocked.

A quarter of the way through the season the winner is Chicago Bulls’ rookie Omer Asik who, listed at 7’0″ has had an astounding 27.8% of his shots blocked. Asik has 36 shot attempts on the season, 10 of which have been blocked. He draws fouls in the lane, with 29 free throw attempts on the season, but 27.8%, good lord!

The Shawn Kemp Award – This award goes to the player who has fouled out of the most games. From 1986 up through the present, Shawn Kemp is the NBA’s leader in foul outs with 115, 35 more than his next closest competitor.

We had a five-way tie between DeMarcus Cousins, Glen Davis, Jrue Holiday, Serge Ibaka, and Channing Frye, each with three. Cousins gets the award as he owns the tie-breaker with a splendid foul rate of 6.3 per 36 minutes. Excellent work young man!

The Darrick Martin Award – This award goes to the player with the lowest FG% and a minimum of 50 attempts. The award is named for Derrick Martin, a career 38.2% shooter who played 514 games of 13 NBA seasons.

This award goes to Louis Williams of the Philadelphia 76ers who has shot a sparkling 35.9% on 159 attempts. Be careful Louis, T.J. Ford has his eyes on this hardware and he’s breathing down your neck.

The Matt Bullard AwardThis award goes to the player 6’10” or taller with the lowest Total Rebound Percentage. (Minimum 100 minutes)

If the season ended today, the Clippers’ Jarron Collins would be taking home The Bullard. Collins has put up an anemic Total Rebound Percentage of 3.6%. If you are keeping score at home that’s 6 rebounds in 100 minutes played. There may be some sibling rivalry afoot as his twin, Jason, is 5th on this list. Don’t count out a strong push by Danilo Gallinari, Andrea Bargnani or everyone’s favorite Tanzanian, Hasheem Thabeet, before the season ends.

The Kobe Bryant AwardThis award goes the to the player who has missed the most shot attempts in a single game. The award is inspired by Kobe’s performance in Game 7 of the Finals last season.

Kobe takes home his namesake award for the 1st quarter of the season. His 21 missed field goals on November 11th against Denver were a sight to behold. In a Herculean effort to lock up the award, Kobe also missed 19 shots on November 28th against Indiana and November 19th against Minnesota. Don’t count out Chicago’s Derrick Rose as the season continues as he’s already had two games with 19 misses.

The Chris Childs AwardThis award goes to the player who has posted the highest Turnover Percentage so far this season. It’s named after former New York Knick Chris Childs, who retired with a career Turnover Percentage of 22.8. (Minimum 150 minutes)

Congratulations to Chris Duhon who takes this award, by a large margin, with a Turnover Percentage of 33.2%. It’s worth noting that Duhon plays 20.5 minutes per game for Orlando, even starting 5 contests. I attribute his performance in this category to all the tips he’s receiving on the bench from Jason Williams.

The Darius Songaila AwardThis award goes to the player who has provided his team with the least overall production. I use Wins Produced to determine the winner here. (Minimum 150 minutes)

This award goes to Andrea Bargnani. If he keeps this up for a few more years we might have to actually name the award after him. With a WP48 of -0.109 (0.100 is average), Bargnani has contributed -1.4 Wins to the Toronto Raptors. Whether we call Bargnani a center, power forward or small forward he has been below average with regards to his Points per Shot, Adjusted Field Goal%, Reb/48, Ast/48, Stl/48, and TO/48. On the plus side he doesn’t foul much and he’ll block a shot or two. The downside is that he is singlehandedly losing Toronto a game every 440 minutes or so he plays. A little math tells me he’s on pace to cost the Raptors about 6 and a half games this season all by himself. At least they didn’t waste a #1 pick on him or anything.



Filed under Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA, Oklahoma City Thunder, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, Random, Sacramento Kings, Statistical Analysis, Toronto Raptors

8 responses to “1st Quarter Crapulence

  1. Pingback: Take my players, please! « Nerd Numbers the Blog

  2. Fun post! Immortal awards for immortal players (Darrick Martin is, of course, most famous for single-handedly preserving the Raptors record of most consecutive games with at least one 3ptM – a streak that is still active).

    And yes, you really, really need to rename that award after Bargnani.

  3. Fred Bush

    1st Quarter Crapulence

    I do not think that word means what you think it means

    • You’re right. I actually thought it wasn’t even a real word but a marvelous creation which sprung from my own brain. I looked it up and saw that I was wrong. Let’s say in this context it refers to an overindulgence over crappy play.

      And now more rhymes now, I mean it!

  4. Cool beans. Love it. I give it two Kobe misses up!

  5. Pingback: Mid-Season Anti-Awards | Pickin' Splinters

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