Library of Inanisms

My first year with NBA League Pass has brought me the joy of local broadcasts. I’ve heard so many absurd, illogical, non-sensical and down right random remarks that sometimes I wonder if they’re watching the same game as I am, or even a basketball game at all. I understand that announcing a basketball game is an incredibly challenging task and I don’t presume that I could do better than any of the professionals. Still, for the sake of posterity and the good of all humanity these ridiculous affronts to clarity and the English language should be cataloged.

This is a project that simply can’t be done alone and thus I’m putting out a call for help. If you are watching a game and hear something you believe should be a part of this compilation, send it along to me via email (Levy2725@gmail.com) or twitter ( @HickoryHigh). Please try and include the date, the announcer, the teams involved and if necessary a short sentence setting up the context. All the appropriate submissions will be available here at Hickory High on the Library of Inanisms page.

“He continues to spray good perimeter shots . . . right down the center!”
– Clark Kellog, referring to a made three pointer by Brandon Rush, 12/8/10 IND vs. MIL

And the Pacers’ continue to come up with dry heaves from the outside.”
 Bob Rathbun, referring to a missed three pointer by Brandon Rush, 12/11/10 IND vs. ATL

And the shot clock is unplugged.”
– Marc Zumoff, commenting on the 13.6 seconds left in the 1st half, 1/11/11 IND vs. PHI

Eric Gordon gets his first basket against his hometown state.”
– Michael Smith, commenting on an Eric Gordon three pointer against the Indiana Pacers, 1/17/11 IND vs. LAC

“I thought he shot his wad so to speak . . . in warmups.”
– Mark Followill, after a Brandon Rush three pointer, 3/4/11 IND vs. DAL

“That is so money by Dirk, just BOOM in your glass!”
– Mark Followill, after a Dirk Nowitzki fall-away, 3/4/11 IND vs. DAL

“When Darnell Jackson fouls somebody, they usually stay fouled.”
– Jerry Reynolds, 3/25/11 IND vs. SAC

“Danny Granger from behind the long-line!”
– George Blaha, referring to a made three-pointer by Granger, 3/26/11 IND vs. DET

“He can bogart almost anybody out there.”
– George Blaha, referring to a Rodney Stuckey drive and layup, 3/26/11 IND vs. DET

“You don’t get the nickname Psycho if you’re not doing something right on the basketball court.”
– Eli Zaret, speaking about Tyler Hansbrough, 3/26/11 IND vs. DET

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